On the Brink: Rediscovering My Authentic Self

On the Brink: Rediscovering My Authentic Self

I’m standing at the edge of something new—something I’ve held in my heart for a long time, but only now am beginning to step into. Soon, I’ll be sharing more about this next chapter. But before I do, I want to speak to the part of the journey that brought me here—the part where I realised just how much of my future had been shaped by everyone else's influence but my own.

It got me thinking: Who am I, really?

Taking Stock: The Journey Toward Your Authentic Self

There comes a time in life when it becomes necessary to pause—to take stock, reflect, and gently ask yourself that core question. Not who do others expect me to be or who have I had to become to fit in, but rather: Who am I underneath all of that?

It’s a vulnerable space to inhabit. Yet, in the world of counselling and personal development, this moment of self-inquiry is where deep healing begins.

From the moment we enter this world, we begin to absorb it. Born a blank canvas, we are painted with the beliefs, behaviours, preferences, and fears of others—parents, caregivers, culture, and community. Carl Rogers, the founder of the person-centred approach to counselling, argued that much of our emotional pain stems from the gap between our real self (our core identity) and our ideal self (who we feel we should be to receive love and approval).

And so many of us live within that gap for years—sometimes our whole lives.

Who Am I, When No One Is Watching?

The challenge lies in peeling back those layers. Because every part of our daily lives—our taste in music, food, clothing, the way we speak or hold ourselves—has been shaped by someone else. For me, even music carries these echoes. When I hear Eurythmics, I’m suddenly sitting next to my brother. Bros? I’m back in a memory with my sister. Do I love that music? Kind of. But when I sit quietly with myself, the music that truly stirs me is something different—classical, orchestral, rich with the stories of composers who spoke without words. That’s the kind of music I gravitate toward when I’m just me.

Psychologist Erik Erikson touched on this in his theory of psychosocial development. The identity vs. role confusion stage—often associated with adolescence—has a way of re-emerging in adulthood. When we realise we’ve been living according to other people’s scripts, we’re invited to reclaim our own.

Authenticity and the Fear of Judgement

Of course, being yourself in a world that rewards conformity is no easy task. I’ve often felt like the “odd one out” for not quite fitting the mould. And yet, I’ve also wrestled with the desire to belong. This tension—between freedom and the fear of judgement—is a very human one.

Existential therapy speaks directly to this paradox. It reminds us that freedom and responsibility are cornerstones of being human, but they often come hand-in-hand with anxiety and isolation. Living authentically might mean standing apart—but it also means standing true.

A Gentle Invitation

So, wherever you are in your journey, I invite you to ask not how you can blend in—but how you can come home to yourself.

What music moves you, not because of a memory, but because it speaks to your soul? What choices feel true when no one else is looking? What kind of life feels like it belongs to you?

In counselling, we talk about creating a space where empathy, congruence, and unconditional positive regard allow these questions to be explored safely—without judgement. That’s where real transformation begins.

Because this isn’t about reinventing yourself. It’s about remembering who you were before the world told you who to be.

And for me, that remembering has led to something new—something I’m nearly ready to share.